My Princess Diary

RiGhTFuLlY WhOsE???

yesterday moi went for facial rite
apparently the next customer did not turn up at 7pm so me and jamie had a LONG chat
how long?
i left her house ard 9pm, so tts how long we chatted

dun asked me why or why i felt this way or tt way, but this was something which i realised when we were chatting
from young, i always felt tt my sister is the "pearl on the palm"
my father used to praised her in front of relatives and friends and i am always the one who kana "shoot' till the cha also no have
fine!! i told myself "if no one loves me, i shall love myself even more" (kind of poor thing when i was young huh?)
anyway, as i grew up and got older and wiser (which i think i did not. coz me still tutu one), i always fight for what is "RIGHTFULLY MINE" so exactly what is "RIGHTFULLY MINE"??

at tt time to me things tt i want or belonged to me is "RIGHTFULLY MINE". either i save money and buy it myself or the thing actually belongs to me and ppl who wants it and just take it away from me, well, i just cling on to it and refused to let it go coz "RIGHTFULLY" its me!! i simply refused to let another person has it. so keeps ur hands off!!! years passed by, and i still lived on with such mentallity, good or bad, i am not sure. until one fine day, after 8 yrs in a broken r/s, i realised my thinking is very very very the very wrong.

believe me!! its a very exp lesson!! if its "RIGHTFULLY" mine, then why bother to fight in the first place? it should belongs to me? i dun need to fight for it or cling on to it, coz it should never leave me as it "RIGHTFULLY" belongs to me. it was so silly of me!! i fought so hard for something tt "RIGHTFULLY" does not belong to me!! and frankly speaking, i guessed it wasn't mine to begin with anyway. and i fought and cling on to it and cry father cry mother over it for more than 2 years??!!! frankly speaking " FOR WHAT?"........sigh.... to think i wanted to end it all becoz of it, to think i thought something must be wrong with me, to think....so many think......*shake head*

from tt incident, i realised tt if the thing or whatever i had, has hands and legs and it chooses to leave me for whatever reason then so be it!! REALLY!!! why bother? if its "RIGHTFULLY" mine, then why should it leaves in the first place? it shouldn't leave me at all. and if the thing has no hands and legs and for whatever reason, someone wants it and either take it right under my very nose or behind my back, then so be it too? i dun have to cling on to it dearly and then cry father cry mother over it. coz if its "RIGHTFULLY" mine to start off with, then who can take it away from me?

so now if anyone will to come and tell me "hey, tt is yours!! "RIGHTFULLY" yours. u should not give in, put up a fight. get it back." i think, i will just simply shrugged it off, why?? becoz if it chooses to leave me, then its not "RIGHTFULLY" mine at all. if ppl choose to fight over something with me, i will gladly give it to them with both my hands and give them my blessings. why bother?? really.......why....

i remembered once i told dear (i think he was telling me abt having many cha bo looking at him or whatever lah) "anyway, ppl always like to snatch my things lor. used to it liao" i also dun understand why? why is it tt u all cannot keep ur hands away from my things?

how many of u out there can understand what i just said?? i also dun know. but tt just how i felt now.....

posted by yee2 @ Thursday, May 01, 2008